Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize