would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
