Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
