the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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