the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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