It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
