she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
