so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
