I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
