JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
