We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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