he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
