those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
