i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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