Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
