just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
