I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
