I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
