Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize