And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
