and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
