Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i think i just lost a toe
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