Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
high people should be assigned attendants
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
