It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I love you.
Bad choice
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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