she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
