Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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