if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
