Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
