Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
