I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
