True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
