the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
