Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
