I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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