I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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