god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
