i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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