i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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