So drunk its hurt
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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