Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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