I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
