The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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