I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
