would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's never too late to be topless.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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