I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
