My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My ass is underappreciated
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
