Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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