walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
