i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
