My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
