apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
