please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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