I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
