I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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