there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
