the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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