So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
