I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
