I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize