also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
