wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
