yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
