Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
