I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
