So drunk its hurt
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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