I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
