Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
