Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
