Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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