John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
