I wish I only lived at night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
