As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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