Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Im part way to drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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