This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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