you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
