I showed him my bush... on skype.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
