ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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