Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
