can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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