and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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