My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
