I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
